Kneo24's Blog

January 31st
I was recently made a salary person while not being given a pay increase. I was told I had to "prove myself" yet again if I wanted to earn more. I told them that the terms were unacceptable, but it fell on deaf ears. Per usual, I'm sucking it up.

The reason for the status change is that a new profit incentive intiative is being started and the president wanted the supervisors to put in the extra hours to try and make this go as smoothly as it possibly can. I have been putting in an extra hour or two a day since my time card has "mysteriously" disappeared.

The reason behind this profit incentive deal is that we, as a company, don't put enough effort into building up stock. Since we're in the business of remanufacturing, having that stock there is more profitable than just doing your daily orders. I believe we charge anywhere from 10% to 30% more for product if a customer wants it from stock with our rebuild exchange program. This is more profitable for the company if we were to do more orders like this.

The president of the company is calling this the "low hanging fruit". For those that don't understand the analogy, imagine going to a fruit tree. What would be easier to obtain? The fruit hanging from the bottom branches or the fruit from the top branches? Obviously the low hanging fruit would be the easiest to obtain. Without having concrete data to back up his assertions (there's data for this), he believes we're losing anywhere from $250k to $500k a year in sales. If just half of that reaches the bottom, that's a considerable more amount in profits every year. Last year could have been far better for us had put more of an investment into building up our stock. Work was slow, so there's no excuse for not doing so.

I've seen the loose collection of data. What's hard to guage about it is, even if we had the item in stock, that doesn't mean the customer likes our pricing. I look at our spreadsheet a few times a day and there are times I will see that we have more than plenty of a certain product in stock, but a customer doesn't want to buy it. Even so, this is a little rare.

So really, while it's hard to gauge an accurate number, we can still estimate a conservative figure here, and that $250k number seems very conservative indeed for the type of work we do. When I heard those numbers and started to look at the spreadsheets I blurted out, "Holy fuck, what am I doing wrong? What are we as a whole doing wrong?". This initiative officially kicks off tomorrow. If we miss a sale because it's not in finished stock and we have product on the shelf that we could have built up for it, some money is taken out of the pile that's set aside for this.

This endeavour is going to fail. Not because I'm going to sabotage it. Not because I don't want it to work. Not because I'm not doing my fair share. It's going to fail for a few reasons. The first reason being is that we just don't have the right people working for us. Out of my three people, I have one I can trust to not totally muck things up. Other areas are similar. Some employees are just there for the paycheck and no other reason. You would think that the opportunity to earn more money would excite them to the point that they want to do more than the bare minimum every day. I'm not making this assumption because money is everything, that we bow down to the almighty dollar. We haven't had raises in two years. If this works out, while we may not get our raise this year, we can at least earn more by doing more.

It's not a totally off the wall idea right? Due to inflation, we're making less money now than we had two years ago. The monkey-wrench being tossed into this is that no matter how much drive and motivation some people have, some people are so dog damn lazy that they nothing can motivate them. I've been saying for years we should get rid of these people.

The second driving reason behind why this will fail is that people near the top (not at the very top), but near the top refuse to get the equipment and supplies needed so us team leaders can do actual cross training. It's very difficult to cross train people when you have a limited amount of testing equipment, and that testing equipment is in use by other people constantly. Three times I have asked for three of my test boxes to have a simple switch put in, and one of those three, simple circuitry added, so that we're not constantly playing musical test boxes. This switch will allow different modes of operation. It should be very very simple to do. My people and I would have done it ourselves if we didn't have to go through red tape to modify the testing equipment to that extent. It really is as simple as a SPDT switch. They're not hard to find. We have a lot of them in house. It's just a matter of installing the switch, running wires, and updating the internal documentation. I asked for this six months ago... Six months!

I really want this to work. I enjoy the work I do, yet I am a little surprised that I care more now than I ever have. I've always cared more than the average person there, but because of these changes I've been closely examing myself and my employees on how to make improvements. I've been putting in the extra hours to compensate for where we're lacking and I don't feel like I'm burning out at any rate. Before this all started, I was bored with my job. I've been bored with it for months. This has rekindled my passion for it. When Sunday's come around, I'm antsy. I want to start work again.

However, something deep down inside is nagging at me. Telling me how I feel is somehow wrong. That maybe I shouldn't work so hard all the time. I think it's a rare thing to find work that you enjoy doing. Most people go through their lives not caring one way or another about their work. I'm a bit conflicted here, but hopefully this internal struggle keeps me in check, to make sure that I am trying harder, but not to the point of exhausting myself into uselessness.

January 11th
I would like to take a brief moment to revert back to woman number 2 in my previous post. It's just an incredibly antiquated notion these days that religion, especially Christianity in some form where the teachings of Jesus tries to break down the barriers between people, is being used as a barrier. If we can't be bothered to get past the notion of differences like this, differences for potential happiness, what good is this religion for us as a species?

I've grown to the point in my life where I no longer care what a person believes. Some people can say that I've given up the "good fight" for the loose collection of people that refer to themselves as Atheists. Fine. I can't let this define who I am as a person. I can't let any one thing do that. Yes, it makes up a part of who I am. Yes, I still will try to correct people when they spout off misconceptions. I otherwise just no longer care enough to allow it to engulf my life. I feel I've done enough to expand my knowledge on the issue of religion. I don't know everything, nor do I care to. I've digested all I've needed to for the foreseeable future.

I am content.

And this is where I was thrown off by this. I made this same point to her. It might not have been so eloquently put, but the point was clear. It didn't seem to bother her. In fact, she seemed to be a little relieved that I was so lax about this issue, with her being the take what you want from each religion type of person. The topic was never brought up again. I had assumed we moved past it, that it was not a point of contention. And honestly, this is what I expect from every single adult. You and I may not share the same views on religion, but I hope we're both sagacious enough for there to be mutual respect and understanding.

I damaged my poor car on New Year's Eve. I was following Nicole to one of her friends house. It had been raining sheets of ice on and off all day, but the main roads were fine. While her car wasn't exactly %100 packed to the brim, she really didn't have room in it. I love driving my car, so what the fuck, I didn't mind. I had told her that my vehicle, being rear wheel drive, did not handle well on snow and ice. This meant to take it slower.

Instead of her normally driving a gajillion miles an hour the entire time, she clocked it down some. Things were fine until we had to turn off onto the path less traveled. There's some grand metaphor that people enjoy using, saying how it's great to use the path less traveled.

Fuck You

This path was not great, and my life isn't more rich for experiencing it. The turning lane was covered in snow. Covered. I went to brake. I pumped those mother fuckers like there was no tomorrow. All I did was skid. I had a split second to choose her bumper, or the curb there to skid into. I chose the curb. No way in hell do I want to hit another person. Too bad I clipped her and the curb anyway.

I didn't let it ruin my evening though. Besides, we both agreed, that's what insurance is for. I drank half a bottle of Vodka that night, and damn did I feel good. I had fun though. I also rocked her face off on playing guitar hero, and it was clearly my first time, and clearly not hers. The next morning wasn't fun. Trying to find a tow back to my neck of woods was nigh impossible. I ended up using my dads AAA membership for that. The insurance agent that inspected my baby said the damages came out to around $4k. Yes, that is indeed what insurance is for.

January 10th
Holy fucking shit! What else did you expect me to start off with? A "Howdy doody"? How about some apathetic apology about not updating more? Seems a bit trite doesn't it?

I always want to update, but other things just seem more interesting at the moment.

I realize the last time I updated was... October or some such, but I want to back track just a little bit. Like, shortly after the cruise time? So Really late August, early September.

Cue wavy lines and whatever noise that floats your boat for flashback sequences.

I had gotten home from the great nation of Tennessee. Where everything is ya'll and what have you. After dealing with bitchy Melissa, I decided I was tired of being alone. Oh so very alone. I miss companionship. Greatly missed it. I yearned, desired, for some. Having that someone special by your side is an amazing thing. I had been mostly out of the dating game since my previous relationship. I also knew I was never very good at approaching strange women whom I've never met before. To say the least, my skills were a bit rusty.

I saw an ad on TV for eHarmony and decided to give it a shot. I was still rolling in money at the time, so I paid out for a full year. A full year! In retrospect, perhaps not the greatest idea. In any case, for a whole year I'm up. Here I am doing the whole Internet dating thing. It took about two months before anything solid came out of it. After that point I had met some people, but I will talk about the "important" ones here.

Chicky number one (her name is Nicole), besides her sometimes seemingly excessive drinking habits, I really have nothing bad to say about this woman. She's just a really awesome chick. We went through the process on the site, texted each other a bit, and then went on a date. I really enjoyed the first date we had. Afterwards I was kicking myself in the pants for not seizing an opportunity to see more of her. We had gone out for drinks first, then a movie. After the movie I could have probably taken her to another bar or something. I felt like we had really connected. I wasn't entirely sure it was a romantic connection, but there was something there. I enjoyed the conversation we had during drinks and I wanted to have more of that experience with the conversation. It was a really enjoyable time and I hadn't had that in so long.

As I stated a few sentences before, awesome gal, and I still feel that way. Nothing bad to say about her, but it just probably wasn't going to work out. We went out for coffee a week later, chatted for a couple hours. Again, it was a pleasant time. I didn't feel the initial click that I felt on the first date, and I could tell she didn't either. About a week later she tells me she just wants to be friends.

Now normally when someone gives you that line, it is complete and utter bullshit. I was a little hurt. No one likes being rejected for any reason. She was dating other men too at the time and cut all but one loose. The winner, I am not. I mulled for a seconds on her proposal to be just friends. It was one of those times where even though every time it's been bullshit and the instant reaction is to claim more bullshit, this wasn't the case. We clicked, but as friends.

It's kind of weird for me. I have never had so much in common with an attractive member of the opposite sex and actually be ok with just being friends. You can't force chemistry. I don't even know if I'd sleep with her if we had both gotten into a drunken stupor and lost sense of ourselves. There's nothing that says that we couldn't potentially work out as a couple, or whatever, but the interest on my end really isn't there. I'm fairly certain I'm not gay. I did watch some porn this morning with a chick doing it herself and got off on it. Like I said, it's weird, but I'm not in the least bit bothered by any of it. I think in some ways it's a bit refreshing. I can flirt with her, and it's all actually completely harmless. I can treat her as a friend and do that to 100% of the way. And that's what I do. We even hang out sometimes. She actually meant the friends thing.

No one joins a dating anything to make friends, but at least my first experience wasn't an unpleasant one!

My second meet was slightly more successful. Our first meet turned into a date. A bit unexpected, but it was awesome none the less. We met at Starbucks for coffee. Lost track of time chatting, and went to Red Robin for some food, where we continued to lose track of time again. I enjoyed every second of our conversation.

Second date comes around. Once again, a fun time. She had inquired about my religious beliefs. Yes, I'm a big flaming Atheist, or whatever. She's an "ala carte" religious person that's mostly catholic, but has a bit of everything else thrown in there too. She seemed ok with it. Religion is a very big deal to a lot of people. I personally don't sweat it. It's not an issue to me. Not anymore. I've moved beyond that. I just don't care anymore. We had great fun the entire time.

Third date comes, once again, a great time. The two weeks inbetween in our next date, I dunno, I just feel like she's pulling back some. I have a sense about this. Something feels... off. It's time for the fourth date. I want to progress things a little. I'm not looking to sleep with her, but I would like to get more than just a peck on the lips at the end of the night. I buy a bottle of wine and we head off to get some Sushi. That part of the evening was great. I had nothing bad to say about how it went. We go back to her apartment to drink some more wine and watch a movie. This is the part where things are supposed to get better, right? I should be getting to second base at least, maybe third, and if I was really lucky, I was being waved into home. That's how situations like that normally go, right?

Normally for most people. I seem to have bad luck. Her body language was completely different. Not only did she sit away from me on the couch, she was leaning away from me. I knew things were over at that moment. I always know when things are over, but I'm an optimist in this area and try to keep things going. About a week I get dumped. When I ask her for a reason, wanting to know what turned her off, she stated, "I don't know how you can't believe in god, but that's my problem, not yours". And that's the last I heard from her. Couldn't she have done this before the wine and sushi dinner?

I was flabbergasted a bit. There was zero signs, even minor ones, that said that religion was going to be a problem. Seems like a cop out to me. Being dumped for whatever reason sucks. If it was something I did or said I wanted the chance to correct it. Now, I just don't know. In any case, whatever it was, I guess I wasn't meant to be. It's a shame too. I had really liked her and started to get a little emotionally invested. We seemed like a good fit for each other.

Hopefully I'll have better luck with the next one, whenever that happens.